Meditation Monday!

I read a quote once that went something like, "But teacher, I don't have time to meditate for ten minutes a day!" and the teacher replied, "Then meditate for an hour!" 

I always thought of that as a personal challenge. If you can't carve out ten minutes, how the hell would you carve out an entire hour? At the same time, isn't just ten minutes the bare minimum? Shouldn't you be starting with the hour and then happy with ten minutes? I don't know the answer. I think the answer must be quite personal. 

What do you meditate on? I usually have an idea in mind, a goal, or an affirmation, but usually my brain decides that there's something else I hadn't considered. Often I get ideas when I'm trying to still my mind. I get inspiration for artwork, stories, or even peaceful feelings. Once I was thinking about my friend who had passed away a couple of years ago. During meditation that evening, I suddenly felt peaceful and serene. I think the universe was sending me a message... sometimes, when you work really hard to stay in that moment, to come back to your breath, it pays to just let your mind take a walk for a moment.

I hope you can make 10 minutes -- or an hour -- for yourself. 

Namaste  ॐ

Friendship Friday

Friendship is pretty important in life. It's pretty difficult to live in isolation with no friends, no human contact, no connections... it's a cold life. 

Today friendship comes to mind because it's my dear friend Tracy's birthday. I met Tracy when we were about 8 years old. We both were in the Girl Scouts and attended the same school. She lived in my neighborhood and we had lots of the same friends. While we weren't that close growing up, she always had a kind word or a smile. Tracy was hilarious. And when I left home to make my way in the world, she was one of the only people who remembered me when I came back. I remember standing in our local day spa making an appointment or paying my bill and someone said, "Hi, Staci." No one calls me that anymore so it took me a moment, but I looked up to see a familiar face. I was completely shocked she remembered me. Later when I related that story to another friend, she said, "Well, of course she did! Tracy was the unofficial mayor of Sierra Vista.  She knows everyone!" 

If you spent any time with Tracy at all, you could figure out why she was the unofficial mayor. She had something good, something nice, and heartfelt or genuine to say to everyone she spoke to. The waiter taking our order for margaritas, the young woman bringing our Sonic frozen drink order, the old guy at the bar when she ordered her Stella Artois. Everyone was her friend. When she was in hospice care at her dad's house, it was like a reunion. People traveled to see her and talk to her one last time. And the day of her memorial service, the church was packed... no, that church was overflowing. There were people standing, sitting, leaning against walls, smoking in the parking lot, hanging out in their cars... I've never seen that many people at a memorial ever. I've never seen such a diverse crowd. The organizers were her closest friends. They played her favorite music, Queensryche, and told stories about the times they spent with her. I am in tears just remembering that day. I think I ruined my friend Benji's shirt from crying on his shoulder that day. 

Such a loving and heartfelt tribute from all those people she loved. And there were cards and letters, flowers and gifts, plants and phone calls from still countless others who weren't able to make it. Wow. 

To have friends, you need to be a friend. To be a friend means to accept, love, and appreciate someone without judgment, without condition, without fail. That means sometimes loving someone even when they're not really all that loveable. 

I am really fortunate today to have an amazing sisterhood -- a diverse group of women who genuinely care for each other and who would do their best to be in your corner if you needed it. And they love me even when I am a little overbearing, a little ridiculous, when I don't make sense or when I do. I honestly and truly hope that you, dear reader, have equally as many people in your life who love you. I hope, like Tracy, that they encourage you or give you that good swift kick in the pants when you need it. And most of all, I hope they love you even when you're a jerk. 

I'm almost positive that one of Tracy's lessons to me and to her other friends:  Love as much as you can while you can.

Namaste ॐ

Three-things Thursday

Thursdays are alllllll about gratitude. Being thankful. Finding three things to be glad for really can't be all that hard? I mean, even if it's just 1) socks, 2) air, and 3) Q-tips, at least it's socks, air, and Q-tips, right?

Here's how this gratitude shift thing works... even if you're not that excited about your job--you HAVE a job. Many people don't and they would like to have yours. You might not enjoy taking the kids to school... but 1) you have children, 2) they are healthy and 3) they can attend school. Many people don't have kids who would really like to have kids... many people have children, but their children aren't healthy or are suffering from some situation that keeps them from going to school... and we have schools. We complain about them, they're not always the best schools, but there are many countries where education is not available at all. See? While things may not be the IDEAL or what you pictured in your head... they certainly aren't the whirlpooling vortex of suckage that you believed them to be ten minutes ago.

So. Your job is to find three things this beautiful Thursday morning to be grateful for. Get into the habit of finding three things to be thankful for every day and your attitude, your happiness meter, your reality will shift. It takes time, just like any worthwhile endeavor, but it will happen.

My three things today include: 1) the internet to keep in close contact with people I care about, 2) my office is really quiet this early in the morning as the renovations down the hall haven't begun yet for the day, and 3) being sore this morning... I had yoga class last night and I'm grateful for being a little sore because that means I worked my muscles and joints well and was able to push myself a little bit farther than the previous class.

Your turn!!

Wednesday What-to-do

It's Wednesday. Instead of joking about camels or complaining that it's not Friday, why not take action to make your life more positive? Wednesday What-to-do... 

The first step toward a more positive situation in your life, determine what is not serving you. What in your life is causing you pain? What is toxic? Is it a person? Is it a habit? 

When I first began to make changes in my life, to bring about a shift in my head and in my heart, I started with a small notebook that I filled with things I was grateful for. Every day I made it a practice that at bedtime, I'd spend 10 minutes with this little book to write down three things that I was thankful for. Some days that was pretty darned hard. But I had resolved to do it and I was determined. So one cold October evening I wrote, "I'm thankful for:  1) socks; 2) air; and 3) Q-tips." That day was a hard day. I made it through, but honestly, that day I could only find three inane things to be happy about. 

I think that's the biggest mistake that we make--if our life isn't perfect or exactly how we want then how can we be grateful? Well. I'll go you one better... if you can't find it in yourself to be grateful for socks, air, and Q-tips, why should you have anything else? Why should you get more if you can't appreciate what you have? You might think your life really sucks, but I can attest that it's probably not as bad as you think. It's not filled with failure or horrors... Maybe you didn't get what you want, but I've always found that getting what I want isn't always a good thing. Remember that old adage of, "Be careful what you wish for"? So, instead of freaking out that your life isn't what you want it to be, appreciate what it is, what it's given you so far, and know that there's probably a really good reason that you've only got socks, air, and Q-tips for the moment. 

Namaste

Self-Talk Tuesday

I'm trying something new for the blog and for Facebook this spring. I've decided that while I update the Facebook space, I don't always write something. To do more of both, and to create a focus for the blog, I'm assigning purpose to each day. While not every day will have a post on both, I will certainly work to make things relevant and useful. 

This is now Self-Talk Tuesday. This is when we focus our attention and mindfulness on that negative committee meeting regularly held in our heads. This is when we ask ourselves if we would EVER allow someone else to speak to us the way we speak to ourselves. There is a chorus of, "What in the ever loving hell did you do?" running through my head at any given time. I seem to chastise myself for silly things I've said or scold myself for bad decisions that I made 30 years ago and sometimes even bad outfits that happened 20 years ago. Does this sound familiar? 

I realized a few years ago that if I ever spoke to someone the way I speak to myself, they'd either fire me as their friend and never speak to me again or they'd shoot me. Neither is a desired outcome. 

My therapist asked me once why I did this to myself? I told her it was good to excel at something. Although, now I've decided to excel at stopping my intrusive negative thoughts that say things like, "How could you have been so stupid to wear those pants??? Don't you know they make you look like a Hobbit?" and redirect them to say, "These pants are fine, those thoughts are not. Be kinder." Eventually, I'd like to not have those thoughts at all, but they come when they want. I can't control them. I can, however, choose not to allow them to ruin my day or even influence my decisions.

Here's a great article about how to cope with intrusive thoughts that can provoke or worsen anxiety and depression.

And one more little bit of assurance... nobody remembers that thing that happened all those years ago that keeps you up at night. Seriously. Those shoes were fine. That time you smiled at the cute guy in gym class was just fine. And the souffle that fell right before the big dinner party really didn't make the evening any less enjoyable. I promise you.

I have found it helps to console myself like I would a friend. Talking to myself like I would my dear friend Diana when she worries about little things really does help. And telling that voice in your head to just sit down, shut up, and color is quite liberating.

The Zen of Making...

It doesn't matter who you are.
It doesn't matter what you do.
It doesn't matter where you come from.
It doesn't matter where you're going...

There is always an opportunity to become a better version of you.

When you make choices that are healthy for you, that are in line with your goals.... When you make choices that are good for everyone involved. When you focus on a direction and ignore the opinions and judgments of others. When you listen to your own inner guide... your own steady heartbeat... your own desires.. your own vision of peace and right.  That is when you'll find yourself exactly where you want to be.

I haven't written in a while due to moving and general circumstances that overtake one's senses and then overwrite every single other thing. I did, however, begin writing about my other passions like crochet, sewing, knitting, and the peace they bring to my soul. There's a Zen in the repetitive nature of fiber artistry, there's a beauty of spirit that is woven and twisted throughout every piece I design, make, and then find a buyer for. If it's a gift, then even more miracles are present. Pun intended.

 Check it out if you like over on http://fyberpunkblog.wordpress.com. 

Father's Day

There are many men I know whom I consider to be very dedicated and wonderful fathers. There are equally as many men who shouldn't be parents. There are a great many mothers who do everything they can to fill this role for their children, but equally as many mothers who have no business being parents. I struggle to support my friends who have broken relationships with either parent (or both) and I read all I can about how to overcome that challenge in life. This exploration often leads me to the writings of life coaches and relationship experts. One such expert is Christine Hassler (http://www.christinehassler.com/) and her writing is particularly moving today. 

The following is an excerpt from her newsletter for today, Father's Day, 2013. 

In honor of this Father's Day, I am moved by the impact a Father has on the life of his daughter. As a coach and facilitator for the past 10 years, I have seen first hand how a woman's relationship with her Dad influences every aspect of her life. John Mayer sings it well: "Fathers, be good to your daughters, Daughters will love like you do."
My hope is this letter inspires all fathers and fathers-to-be to call yourselves forward and realize the role you play in our life. This letter is to truly celebrate what is possible between fathers and daughters -- no matter what age she is.
It is never too late or too early to begin a loving relationship.
Daughters, if your father was not the Dad you wished he would be, I am sorry. You have my compassion. Take in the words of this letter and know you are so worthy and deserving. Trust you will discover great healing when you forgive and then create what you may not have had.
Do this by only being with men with generous hearts who value fathering your children and the children of the world. And by raising your sons with the strength of heart that will inspire him to be a great man and a great father.
Dear Fathers of the World,
You are the first man that I ever loved. You are my hero. Your arms were the first place where I felt so safe and protected.
The smile that comes upon your face when you see me makes me feel so cherished and adored.
Thank you for listening. Being able to be share with you and show you my vulnerability has been so important for my development as a woman. You have known when to offer me advice and when simply to wipe my tears.
Thank you for working hard to provide for me and our family. It has provided me with a sense of security that has propelled me in creating a fulfilling foundation for my own life.
Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Your unconditional support of my gifts and my quirks has supported me in knowing who I truly am. Loving encouragement from you has been the wind beneath my wings.
Thank you for showing me your softer side. I know you are strong and protect me, but I also love when you show me your tears. When you reveal your emotions I feel so special and close to you.
Most of all thank you Dad for being you. I know you that you are my Father but you are also a human being, on your own path and learning your own lessons.Even if you have not done all these things, I know in my heart you have been the perfect Father for me for you have taught me the life lessons I need to learn.
No matter what I will always love you.
And no matter how old I am, I will always be your little girl.
Happy Father's Day.
With love,
Your daughter

This is not the complete letter, but highlights a few things I thought were really important. I'm grateful to Christine for sharing her letter and for reminding me that. My own experience with my father wasn't always perfect, but he did his best, tried to be there for me as I grew up, continues to do his best to be a positive influence in my life. I am grateful for his help and appreciate how hard he tries. I hope you can find something positive in your own relationships today.