Self-Talk Tuesday

I'm trying something new for the blog and for Facebook this spring. I've decided that while I update the Facebook space, I don't always write something. To do more of both, and to create a focus for the blog, I'm assigning purpose to each day. While not every day will have a post on both, I will certainly work to make things relevant and useful. 

This is now Self-Talk Tuesday. This is when we focus our attention and mindfulness on that negative committee meeting regularly held in our heads. This is when we ask ourselves if we would EVER allow someone else to speak to us the way we speak to ourselves. There is a chorus of, "What in the ever loving hell did you do?" running through my head at any given time. I seem to chastise myself for silly things I've said or scold myself for bad decisions that I made 30 years ago and sometimes even bad outfits that happened 20 years ago. Does this sound familiar? 

I realized a few years ago that if I ever spoke to someone the way I speak to myself, they'd either fire me as their friend and never speak to me again or they'd shoot me. Neither is a desired outcome. 

My therapist asked me once why I did this to myself? I told her it was good to excel at something. Although, now I've decided to excel at stopping my intrusive negative thoughts that say things like, "How could you have been so stupid to wear those pants??? Don't you know they make you look like a Hobbit?" and redirect them to say, "These pants are fine, those thoughts are not. Be kinder." Eventually, I'd like to not have those thoughts at all, but they come when they want. I can't control them. I can, however, choose not to allow them to ruin my day or even influence my decisions.

Here's a great article about how to cope with intrusive thoughts that can provoke or worsen anxiety and depression.

And one more little bit of assurance... nobody remembers that thing that happened all those years ago that keeps you up at night. Seriously. Those shoes were fine. That time you smiled at the cute guy in gym class was just fine. And the souffle that fell right before the big dinner party really didn't make the evening any less enjoyable. I promise you.

I have found it helps to console myself like I would a friend. Talking to myself like I would my dear friend Diana when she worries about little things really does help. And telling that voice in your head to just sit down, shut up, and color is quite liberating.