Love thyself...

One of my greatest challenges is self-acceptance. The hurdle I face every morning is self-approval. The topic of many journal entry is being authentic and my true self. 

I went on a date a few months ago, well maybe not a date... it was more like a "friends meeting for dinner thing" because the pressure of a date was entirely too much for me. After about 10 minutes, my friend actually gave me permission to be myself. Wow. Yeah. I ignored it at the time, but it stuck in my "craw," for lack of a better description. Just because I'm awkward doesn't mean that I'm not myself... it means that I AM myself and AM awkward when first spending time with someone in a social setting that I don't know very well. THAT IS ME. It always has been and I'm not sure I want to change that. If I make you uncomfortable because I'm awkward at first, then you're certainly not for me. 

Honestly, self acceptance is such a difficult hurdle for many women. We all get the constant message that unless we look like the perfect models in magazines or on television, then we are somehow not good enough. We are constantly inundated with media and advertising telling us to change our hair, soften our hands, lose some weight, join a gym, clean our houses, make more money, wear these clothes, get this appliance/gadget/computer program.... I could go on, but I'm sure you, gentle reader, know exactly what I am referring to. 

In the last several years, I've been reading the work of Byron Katie, Wayne Dyer, Christiane Northrup, Marianne Williamson, Dan Millman, the Zohar, and many other spiritual resources. Their primary message is one of love. Self-love, to be more accurate. Of course, we all should love our family, our friends, our neighbors, our colleagues at work, those we worship with or serve when we volunteer... But what about ourselves? Can we love wholly, truly, and completely without honestly loving ourselves? Without knowing how to love yourself, how can you expect anyone to love you? Without loving yourself, will you tolerate someone loving you less or not loving you but trying to control you? Do you need to love yourself to approve of yourself? Are they mutually exclusive? 

These are the questions that have plagued my soul for years. These questions make you vulnerable and honestly, I'm scared as hell to answer them for myself. So, let's do it together? Who's with me? Let's write a love letter to US! Let's write a love letter to ourselves... we deserve it, don't we? Put it on your bathroom mirror and remind yourself every day how worthy you are, how fantastic you really are, how cute your feet are, what a kind and loving person you are, how awesome of a mom you are....

Here's my note for myself... 

In my travels and adventures around the interwebs I often find things that just really defy description because they are so amazing and huge and fabulous. This is one of them:  Love letters. This lovely lovely young woman has started a movement to write love letters to strangers around the world. What an amazing way to change someone's day, someone's life, someone's attitude... and the impact of that could be really huge... HUGE!!! 

I personally am always looking for ways I can show love... I am currently single and do not have children so it's easy to get caught up in my own stuff and just bury myself under my projects at home. So, this looked like an opportunity to me. I already make presents for people I care about.... that's one way I express love... but a small act like a love letter... this is really huge. I encourage everyone to read her message. She's really an incredible person for even wanting to share herself with the world in such a way. But to organize a movement... wow! I am really impressed. 

One of my best friends ever taught me that loving someone is never wrong. That even if it doesn't work out like you hope, even if it ends painfully, or just ends... it's never a waste of your time, attention, or energy. Loving, in fact, no matter what the situation, is always the right answer. 

That's very difficult when you really don't like someone or they've hurt you. 

So let me repeat it:  It is never wrong to love someone. 

Recently, there was a situation with a friend of mine who had a relationship fizzle out. She kept lamenting that she had wasted her time and attentions on someone who didn't deserve her. Honestly, I agree that he didn't deserve her. But it's not like you have less love simply because you gave it to someone who wasn't worthy of your attention. Conversely, the more love you give, the more love you'll get. It may not come from the desired person and it may come from somewhere that you completely weren't ready for, but it will come. 

When someone hurts your feelings, is it because you didn't love them enough? Unlikely. It's probably that you love them a great deal. Otherwise, their behavior or perceived betrayal would not have hurt you. 

It's very hard for me to love someone I don't like. It's very much a struggle to love someone who clearly doesn't love me. But it's the only way to live in gratitude and happiness. It's the only way to grow. When someone does you wrong, love them through it. 

I know! I know! You're thinking to yourself that I am out of my mind and probably a doormat. Well, I might be crazy or a hippie, but loving someone isn't about THAT person. I love because I am who I am, not because someone deserves it. That guy who cut me off in traffic this afternoon... sent some love to him. The jerk next door with the howler monkey children and out of control volume button on the really bad music he likes.... send him a little love. 

Why? Because you reap what you sow. If you're constantly hateful, negative, and angry, then you'll continue to have hateful, negative, and angry... over and over and over. 

Is this about God? Not necessarily. This is about the Law of Attraction: What you think about, put energy toward, is what you will draw to yourself. If you don't know much about it, I recommend "The Secret" ... just watch the movie, it gives you a lot of information in an easily digestible form. If you don't want to do that, you can still just observe what happens if you're an angry asshat all damned day. Or if you meet every situation with kindness and a smile...

Smiles are amazing. They're free, they are contagious, and it's also NEVER wrong to smile at someone. 

Peace, Love, and.... well... more love! 

For the love of Thursday...

It is not revolutions and upheavals that clear the road to better days,
but revelations, and lavishness of someone's soul inspired, and ablaze.
--Boris Pasternak, poet

If you aren't familiar with Boris Pasternak, he was a Russian poet who wrote Doctor Zhivago, arguably one of the most beautiful and poignant love stories ever. I saw this today and was reminded of how that story changed the way I thought about love as a girl. I read it again as a 30-something year old woman and the themes of love and deep devotion still rang true for me. 

A Mom's insight on hard work...

Melissa is a friend of mine. She's a mom of six and that gives her some amazing insight. She sent me a text today that read, "It occurred to me as I was thinking abut kids and how we have to convince them of doing something that is in their own best interest. Somewhere along the line, we got to a point of having to be coerced into doing what is good for us. That leaves us missing seeing that it is beneficial and feeling that it's a punishment or a burden instead. We miss WHY hard work is its own reward."