A cork on the ocean...

• FML?
• I ended up...
• I hate my life!!!
• Shoot me! 
• My life is so awful!
• Why does this always happen to me? 

I am surrounded by people who routinely use these sorts of statements. Sometimes it's a joke, others, I'm not so sure. Here's something to think about, though.We can't control WHAT happens in our life, but we CAN control what we do about it, how we react, the self talk we use and the attitude we have.

It's one thing to rant and get it over with but if your general attitude is that your life sucks, it will never get any better. I say that with all the conviction I have in my soul. Your life will never improve if you continue to say that your life sucks. 


If you have a crappy attitude, and believe that no one is suffering more than you are, why would your life suddenly turn great? Does your life have a mind of its own? Who's the one with the mind here anyway? Are you kidding me that you just ended up that way? You just wound up over there in the ditch like there was some sort of cosmic pool table that you're in the middle of?


It's time for some tough love here.... get over yourself. Stop being a victim. 

I can say that to you because I used to be one of those people. I was addicted to my shitty life. I was addicted to wallowing in the self-pity. I was mired in the sucking mud of victimhood.


Abuse, loss, unrequited love, addiction, illness, false accusations, death of a spouse, children, loved ones... the list could go on. There are people who have suffered through all of the things in this list, plus more. There are people in the world who have endured atrocities that make my soul weep.


Yet, many of the people I know who have suffered more than their share of grief, have the most positive outlook. It makes me feel such shame for EVER believing that my life was so terrible. 


Some say that they have faith or religion and that helped them through their experience. Some say it's just the love they have for their family. Others just have this indomitable glowing spirit and every word they utter is filled with love.


In my own experience, it's about gratitude and mindfulness.


I'm often asked, "How can you be grateful if you feel you have nothing?" Let me be blunt: Everyone has something. You have a mind. You can read. You're reading this, aren't you? You're able to reason, to think, to form an opinion. You must have someone in your life who loves you, right? A mother, father, uncle, sister, neighbor, friend? The garbage man? The clerk at the gas station? The librarian? Someone! 

How can you be grateful if you are struggling? In struggle and adversity, there is light. There is learning and opportunity in every difficult experience. It may not feel that way when you're actually in it, but it's there. Every mistake, every negative experience is simply an opportunity waiting for you to recognize it. 
 Turn your negative crap into positive talk....

Instead of FML, say, "I'm frustrated! But life will work itself all out."

Instead of, "I ended up," use the phrase, "As a result of a youthful indiscretion, I became pregnant or I lost my job..." 

The fact is you didn't END UP anywhere. That implies you are a cork floating on the stormy seas and you're just bobbed around like you have no control over anything. The reality is, whether you like it or not, your situation today is the direct result of choices you made previously. Choice is very powerful. You may have chosen to get in the car with a drunk driver.... and that driver was impaired so he was involved in an accident that cost you your comfort and mobility. You didn't "end up" in this situation. You chose to take a chance and as a direct result of a deliberate choice, you are now in a body cast in the hospital.

Negative talk can make anything in your life seem worse than it truly is.



You can either continue to live your life like a cork on the ocean, bobbed around by the circumstance of existence or you can decide to become a clipper ship, redirect your life, and weather that storm. 


Do you believe that what you put out is what you receive? Would you tolerate hearing this from your children? No? Then why would you ever say this?


And is this really a matter for a spiritual blog? Absolutely... it is my belief that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. Every person, every human has free will (unless you are severely impaired in some way). We are hard wired with a brain to make decisions and choices. You didn't just fall into your life. You chose it. It might not have been a very informed choice or it may have been imposed upon you when you were young, but when you became an adult you chose to continue in that existence. Choice. Deliberation. Free will. Why would this be separate from spirituality? 

Peace, Love, and Free will.... 

What do you suck at???

This was today's "Burning Question" over at Danielle LaPorte's blog and I thought I'd open up, too. It's tough when you try to be positive and uplifting to be vulnerable and share what you stress about or judge yourself for, but honestly, to learn more about self-acceptance, this is a great exercise. 

I suck at... housework. OH MY GAWD!!! My house is always cluttered, always chaotic. I'm working on this but I judge myself about it a lot. 

I suck at... staying on task. I don't believe I have the formal attention deficit problems that many people really struggle with, so it's not that. It is more that I have so many ideas racing through my head at any one given time that it's tough for me to just stay with one. I do well in small classes because I can keep focused on the teacher or professor and their message, but I don't do well in large lectures or any situation where I'm not required to actually participate or in work settings that aren't flexible with how I actually spend my time. 

I suck at... joining. I get frustrated with formal committees and clubs or organizations that have meetings. I also get frustrated in meetings. They typically are just forums for one or two people to talk about stuff I don't care about. Just make a decision about that and send me an email, thanks. 

I suck at... money management. I admit it, this is a real struggle for me. I've found some tools to help me lately but overall this is a horribly difficult thing for me to do. And I judge myself for it all the time.

I can't believe how hard that was for me to write. I did it, now, and it's out there. So now I can focus on what's right and work on the things I really need to do. 

Peace, Love, and tough questions... 

Angry Romantic on heroism...

Dave describes why he doesn't believe in being a hero:  Always glad to make potted meat product out of sacred cows. The preceding was brought to you by a retired Knight who had a life-changing, anti-romantic epiphany after suffering one too many Rodney King-like beatings at the hands of Reality.

Choices...

If you knew that something worked to solve a problem you had, why wouldn't you try it? Say you have a terrible upset stomach and indigestion and you are suffering. If all it took was a teaspoon of vinegar diluted into an 8 ounce glass of water to fix you within 10 minutes... or suffer for hours with nausea, acid, general feeling of yuck. Why won't you try it? What can it hurt? Even if you dislike the flavor or smell of vinegar, why wouldn't you try it if it could help?

Last night I had terrible indigestion. I had eaten something I thought was healthy, but it did not agree with my body. I joked with my friend that healthy food wasn't good for an old body that was only used to bad food... she told me that if I mixed a teaspoon of cider vinegar into a glass of cool water and drank it, then I'd feel better. I laughed, "Yeah right! No thanks! Yuck!"

If there is a better way why do we resist?

I've heard it all... nothing tastes as good as skinny feels... feed your body and your soul but leave out the processed stuff...

Frankly, I love some processed foods. Keebler Cheese crackers with peanut butter, Ore Ida Tater Tots,  and Reese's Peanut Butter cups will win out every time. But why do we make those choices, even when we know that an organic salad with some cut fruit is a much healthier and maybe even tastier alternative? Is it laziness or possibly just habit? 

I'd like to know what you think...

Unplug to reconnect...

Recently a colleague of mine sent an email about "hanging out" with several pictures attached that were sort of funny, but sad all at the same time. Well, wait a moment. It's VERY sad, now that I've reconsidered that statement. Technology is supposed to be used for our convenience, your phone is for YOUR use, not for everyone in the world to reach you when they wish. Of course, if someone has children, they would like to be available for their children, absolutely... that's certainly an exception and that's not what I'm referring to. I mean when you are out to lunch with friends and all you can do is check your phone every 20 seconds to reply "LOL" to a Facebook message, then you may have a problem. 

I have a friend who taught me that the experience of our shared time, our conversation, and excursions together were more important than anything on that phone. Anything. It was a valuable lesson and it made me feel more connected to him. Because of that connection and value we placed on our shared time, I always enjoyed it a great deal more. He listened to me, he heard me, he responded to me. There were no distractions except for whatever was already a part of the experience. So, when we were going to the bookstore, (hey, look at this awesome book!) or the jazz festival at the winery, (hey, we're reading the same book!) or we're in the car heading toward parts unknown, (hey! turn here!). 

I deliberately call it "shared time" because he was not just spending time with me... we were spending time together, focused on the same thing, enjoying an experience, and if he had been so self-important that he couldn't actually participate and be present, then I really would not have wanted to be there.

When kids get together these days and spend all that time on their phones, I wonder how they remember their experience? Did they enjoy their food? Did they ask questions? Did they learn anything? Did they just use it as a "check in" experience where the other kids will see that they went somewhere together?

Whatever their reasons, I will continue to honor those that I care about and choose to spend time with by engaging in the experience fully. I hope you join me in unplugging those relationships and reconnecting with the physical. 

Namaste and have a great weekend! 

Peace, Love, and Low-tech... 

What is Om?

Om.... what does OM mean for real? 

Om or Aum as it's sometimes spelled, is also called the "God syllable."  The symbol stands for the universal, the unknowable, and the source of all manifest in existence. It's much like the yin and yang symbol is in the Asian philosophy, showing both the feminine and masculine, the om shows the unknowable and all that is knowable. 

Om or Aum is of paramount importance in Hinduism and it is called pranava, to mean that it pervades life and runs through our prana or breath.
 
I listen to Wayne Dyer and other spiritual leaders and they routinely discuss meditation as a daily practice for getting in touch with the spiritual part of you. Now this can be sort out there for the straights, I mean, where are we, the Haight Ashbury district in 1963 discussing comparative theology? No, we're not, but I think what I found so interesting about this when Dr. Dyer started to talk about using some relaxing chants to focus, he mentioned that the "AH" sound was present in nearly ever religion's name for God. If you think about it, it's pretty fascinating. Even if you're an atheist, there's some compelling similarities in many of the world's religions and this, this God syllable, was an amazing common thread... it made me wonder why we get caught up in all this crap. We fight so hard to be right and we condemn others as wrong, yet really... how wrong are they? Or conversely, how right could we be? But I digress. 

So then, why "The Omth Degree" ... and aside from it being sort of catchy, the reason I do anything and the purpose that is threaded through all my writing and my life, is because of the universe, because of the power referred to as God, or Brahman, or Allah, or Jehovah, the Force, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster... Whatever that thing is, that's Om. It's the limit and beyond, it's the beginning and before... it's everything. 

More Angry Romantic...

Dave comments on a photo of an abused dog (Dave loves dogs): So glad to see this poor little gal seems to be doing a little better today. Now if they can only catch the monsters that did this so they can be flayed alive, drenched in battery acid and Bhut Jolokia juice, drawn, quartered, incinerated, and their ashes dumped in an open sewer somewhere in the Third World.