Today's thoughtful quote

By way of Mastin Kipp and the Daily Love:  

"The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same."

  - Carlos Castaneda 

So what if you're right?

Often it doesn't matter if we are right, wrong, left... it just doesn't matter. I know many people who are "right fighters" and they will duke it out with you no matter what the issue. It's as if they feel threatened by the fact that you think differently than they do. The only time it ever matters on being right is... well when you have to pass your driver's test or maybe during finals week. But even then, does it really matter that much? 

I suppose one could argue that if you're a doctor and you make a mistake, then someone could die or be permanently injured. True, but that's not what I mean. I am writing about if someone has a different opinion or a different way of thinking than I do. I welcome constructive criticism, but if you just want to argue with me about which view of God is right, which religion is right, or which heaven I will go to... well enjoy yourself, because I have already checked out. Even if it's not about religion, if you feel the need to be right about every bloody thing, well you're going to be alone and right. 

It often doesn't matter when you're right. My friend has a terribly painful situation where her exhusband is not really participating in the parenting of their only daughter. He fights her constantly and lies about all sorts of situations. My friend was at her wit's end. It breaks her heart, not that he is lying but that his lies will eventually impact their daughter. I tell her repeatedly, being right is moot. He will not change because he doesn't believe he is wrong. He is convinced that his choices are fine, that nothing he is doing will influence their daughter, and, even more importantly, that in no uncertain terms he should never be questioned. In this situation, you can do nothing but cope. You can try to reason, cajole, convince, but really, that guy is never going to see reason unless it's his idea. 

You have a couple of choices here. 1. Fight, argue, reason. 2. Get pissed off. 3. Recognize it for what it is, move on. The only outcome of number 1 is inevitably number 2. If you choose number 3, then you can move on quickly, get back to living in the moment and being you. But expending energy on the first two options, well, how's that working for you? I'd rather be happy. 

Let go of something you feel righteous about and see if you don't feel some relief.

My own advice...

A friend of mine told me that after reading my blog, he thought I should take my own advice. Sometimes we can't see that our own wisdom can solve our problems, we seek and scratch our heads, trying to complicate our situation... and forgetting that we already know the answer. We already have the solution sitting right in front of us. Either we choose to overlook it because it just seems ... well, too easy maybe or maybe it's too hard, or maybe it makes you too vulnerable. Or maybe it's because we just don't trust our own intuition.

The last few weeks have been an exercise in following my feelings instead of listening to the almighty brain. Your heart knows, your spirit is wise, too, don't discount what they're telling you.

Grateful... even for the crap.

I have written before that even if you are struggling or suffering, you can find something to be grateful for. In struggle and adversity, there is light. There is learning and opportunity in every difficult experience. It may not feel that way when you're actually in it, but it's there. Every mistake, every negative experience is simply an opportunity waiting for you to recognize it.

I generally have it pretty good. I am employed in a job I like (most days) and I work with people I can respect and enjoy. I have a home, a tiny furry companion, friends and family who truly care about me, hobbies I enjoy, and my income affords me the opportunity to be independent. I am educated and can put a few sentences together now and then to express myself.
With all of the abundance I enjoy currently, I have had my share of struggles. Especially lately. I work in a field that is subject to the whims of the economy, of government (elections), and of the workload. When the fiscal year end rolls around, many of us get very nervous. It's frightening to be without employment in today's economy. This time, it's my turn to be out there, looking for work. I haven't shared this information, because it's still very new, but the fact is... Friday is my last day with this company. No other firm has offered me a position, despite the plethora of applications I have submitted (not to mention the obvious fabulous qualifications). 

That reality puts my independent ass in quite a predicament. I realize this is a lesson. I know in my heart this is an opportunity. I am positively positive that this is my chance to learn something amazing. That doesn't mean I am not scared out of my wits!  


Part of my service to the world is to explain self-help strategies and spiritual solutions in a real and practical way. To find an honest and authentic voice for those people who aren't into all the study, the "woo woo" stuff, the mystical prayer and meditation... this is real, raw, and applicable. And today, in this hour, while I am struggling so much to just maintain a positive outlook and upbeat attitude, I feel like I'm failing.

You can't pay your cable bill with positive affirmations. And why the hell is cable so bloody important to me anyway? Truth is, I love NatGeo and ridiculous cop shows that are only on cable. Oh and True Blood. If it wasn't for my TV addiction, it wouldn't be hard to cut that out completely but I admit it, I'm shamelessly addicted to HGTV and the Science channel. Edutainment. I will very likely be reevaluating this priority in the near future, but I thought I would share that.

While I desperately need to let go of my need to control the outcome, it does not diminish the struggle to remain calm in the face of what I consider to be a serious problem. And I should mention that this is a very private problem. I don't like discussing my personal business, but to write effectively and share of oneself, you simply MUST share your life. I feel it's a practical exploration for all. It's very uncomfortable for me to share this, but without exploring even my failures, then what's the point? 

In this moment, in this state of uncertainty and fear, I am grateful that I have this opportunity to learn a new lesson, even if it sucks.

Easy come...

In Kabbalah, we learn that anything worth having must be earned. If you are given something or a reward comes easy, you don't truly value it. 

Yehuda Berg wrote in his blog, " One of the greatest tricks the Opponent plays on us is tricking us into thinking we want everything for free. On the contrary, lasting satisfaction doesn’t come from the result. It comes from overcoming a challenge and earning an accomplishment.

"No one wants a gold medal if they didn’t compete and win against the best.

"Nothing of value comes to us on a silver platter. When we overcome and change, we earn, and with that we experience the Heavenly energy of the Light!"

The last several weeks have been a sincere struggle and an uphill climb. I've been working to keep it slow and steady, to put one foot in front of the other, to breathe in and out, to trust in myself, to trust in the Light, and to trust the process.... It's taken all of my energy, including the energy I've usually got to write in my journal or to blog.  Every time I think, "I'll write about that" then someone else needs my support or I'm faced with yet another steep incline in my journey. 

That's not the right answer, though. It's up to us to not only support our loved ones, but also ourselves, and often the best way to support is to serve. When you think you have nothing left, not even for yourself, the well fills quicker if you serve someone else. 

So, I'm hitting "publish" before I can second-guess myself! 

Namaste....

Love thyself...

One of my greatest challenges is self-acceptance. The hurdle I face every morning is self-approval. The topic of many journal entry is being authentic and my true self. 

I went on a date a few months ago, well maybe not a date... it was more like a "friends meeting for dinner thing" because the pressure of a date was entirely too much for me. After about 10 minutes, my friend actually gave me permission to be myself. Wow. Yeah. I ignored it at the time, but it stuck in my "craw," for lack of a better description. Just because I'm awkward doesn't mean that I'm not myself... it means that I AM myself and AM awkward when first spending time with someone in a social setting that I don't know very well. THAT IS ME. It always has been and I'm not sure I want to change that. If I make you uncomfortable because I'm awkward at first, then you're certainly not for me. 

Honestly, self acceptance is such a difficult hurdle for many women. We all get the constant message that unless we look like the perfect models in magazines or on television, then we are somehow not good enough. We are constantly inundated with media and advertising telling us to change our hair, soften our hands, lose some weight, join a gym, clean our houses, make more money, wear these clothes, get this appliance/gadget/computer program.... I could go on, but I'm sure you, gentle reader, know exactly what I am referring to. 

In the last several years, I've been reading the work of Byron Katie, Wayne Dyer, Christiane Northrup, Marianne Williamson, Dan Millman, the Zohar, and many other spiritual resources. Their primary message is one of love. Self-love, to be more accurate. Of course, we all should love our family, our friends, our neighbors, our colleagues at work, those we worship with or serve when we volunteer... But what about ourselves? Can we love wholly, truly, and completely without honestly loving ourselves? Without knowing how to love yourself, how can you expect anyone to love you? Without loving yourself, will you tolerate someone loving you less or not loving you but trying to control you? Do you need to love yourself to approve of yourself? Are they mutually exclusive? 

These are the questions that have plagued my soul for years. These questions make you vulnerable and honestly, I'm scared as hell to answer them for myself. So, let's do it together? Who's with me? Let's write a love letter to US! Let's write a love letter to ourselves... we deserve it, don't we? Put it on your bathroom mirror and remind yourself every day how worthy you are, how fantastic you really are, how cute your feet are, what a kind and loving person you are, how awesome of a mom you are....

Here's my note for myself... 

In my travels and adventures around the interwebs I often find things that just really defy description because they are so amazing and huge and fabulous. This is one of them:  Love letters. This lovely lovely young woman has started a movement to write love letters to strangers around the world. What an amazing way to change someone's day, someone's life, someone's attitude... and the impact of that could be really huge... HUGE!!! 

I personally am always looking for ways I can show love... I am currently single and do not have children so it's easy to get caught up in my own stuff and just bury myself under my projects at home. So, this looked like an opportunity to me. I already make presents for people I care about.... that's one way I express love... but a small act like a love letter... this is really huge. I encourage everyone to read her message. She's really an incredible person for even wanting to share herself with the world in such a way. But to organize a movement... wow! I am really impressed.