Honesty is simple, isn't it?

Honesty and integrity are things we read about in self-help quite a bit. It's important to be honest with yourself as well as others. If you aren't, then you can't experience truth, love, and openness. This is a challenge today, as it is many other days.

I'd like to start by telling you why I write about these things. I write about my life and experiences mostly to process my emotions and get something out of my head--but also so I can learn what I react to, what triggers are more difficult than others. Everyone has their own views about the tone or intent of a blog. I hope that my readership (all 3 of you!) knows that my tone is always that of someone wanting to share what she's working on, what she is processing or feeling, or what she is striving to gain some perspective on. I've read some comments on other blogs in the last few weeks that accuse other spiritually focused bloggers like me of being narcissists or dictating how someone should feel or do things. That is certainly NOT my intent here. I share because I am sure there are others out there who are like me. I share to not feel alone and to help others feel like someone gets them. To that end, today's madly furious keyboard tapping is about honesty, integrity, and personal truth. It's a topic I'm often writing about because it's one of the core tenets of my spiritual practice.

While existing in this world, one must become realistic about other people and their behavior. I know that the rules and standards that I have set for myself are not the same for others. More than anything else, I believe that it's vital to be honest. Personally, I'd much rather hear an ugly truth than a pretty lie. Lying is ugly. Lies suck. Dishonesty is abhorrent. That is the one thing I have a tough time forgiving. I cannot abide a liar nor can I stomach someone who has no integrity. If I find that someone in my life has lied to me or is acting in a dishonest manner (this includes speaking ill of me or someone I love), then I have to move on. I have nixed many people from my social circles because I caught them in a lie or discovered their lack of integrity. 

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”
― Virginia Woolf

I  firmly believe if you would lie about something stupid, you'll have little trouble lying about something big. I'm not talking about employing tact or doing what you can to avoid hurting someone's feelings. I have tact, but I will not lie to you.... if you ask me if your butt looks big in those pants, I'll tell you that they're not flattering or give you a recommendation for a shirt or sweater that may help lessen the degree to which they don't enhance. If you've got what I think is a bad hairdo but you love it, I'll encourage you to keep loving yourself rather than tell you otherwise. But I digress....

I'm talking about lies. Lies. Telling someone a story that you have completely made up and selling it as the truth. Lies. Telling someone you were Phi Beta Kappa when you weren't even Lambda Lou. Deliberate misleading lies. Obfuscation.

So when I read something that is just a bunch of malarkey, I have a tough time giving it any credence. I also have a difficult time believing anything else that person writes. If you lie to me about one thing, your credibility on any future topic, including whether the sky is blue or grass is green is now completely subject to verification. 

The writer in question wrote about an individual, a series of events, and a situation in life that I remember very differently. This makes me question her integrity. 

Barbara DeAngelis writes, “Living with integrity means: 

• Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. 
• Asking for what you want and need from others. 
• Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. 
• Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. 
• Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”

The trouble I'm having today is reconciling my truth with that of another. Just because someone remembers an event or an individual in a different light, does that change it? 

I suppose that we all have our own truths. We all remember things how they affected us or by the consequences of our own choices and experiences. If a child remembers something differently than we do, does that make her truth a lie? 

I suppose we have come to the challenge of perspective here... there's her truth, my truth, and then there's reality. We probably are both right on some counts, both wrong on others, yet neither of us will ever see the situation the same way the other does. Is she lying to herself? Am I lying to myself? No. We just remember things from different perspectives. As long as we remain true to ourselves and love one another through it, we can still find some common ground, I believe.

As I work through my understanding of this and do my best to not react to those who just have a different life experience, I suppose I'll be sharing more of this aspect of my journey. For now, I thank you for reading. I welcome your comments. 

And as always, namaste.